Getting over grudges held on to for far too long is a problem for me. I'm here to admit that. But this one here, the only way I can clear the clench this guy has in my jaw is to set it out on bigger turf than my little mind--where it spins and spins like my eyes when I've stayed up way too late.
There was this guy, about five years ago, who won a small airlines contest for a surprise trip to an undisclosed destination: all expenses paid! He was to meet the contest holder's at the airport, and receive his much awaited vacation information there! So he shows up--and I'm watching this on the news.
I'm not trying to color your judgment of him here--but he comes to an AIRPORT in sweatpants that clearly scream "I done gived up" and a sweatshirt that was made in The Dominican Republic that has some pressed-on sports team letters on it, with a scratchy beard that I only wish was for Movember, oh--and wearing a baseball cap that I could smell from across the TV screen. Not visual enough for you? Add three inches of hairy linty belly button making its TV debut.
The contest promoters hand him his envelope, shaking his hand, BIG smiles on their faces toward the camera. The goof guffaws and accepts the envelope, fist pumping the air bellowing out, "Yeah! Yeah!" He rips open the envelope and with a mouth dropped open, he slams the contents to the ground.
"Muhwakee?? Muhwaukee? What the bleepbleep am I s'posed tah do in Muhwaukee??" And he storms out of the airport with camera crews chasing him.
Yeah, you know how someone's never going to forget something? When they remember every detail. Just like now. I've been waitingwaitingwaiting for the day to call that 300 lb brat out. And I finally got it.
ScaryMommy invited me to post on What makes YOUR TOWN great. And so I did. With you know who in mind.
A letter written just for you, you overgrown gorilla, ALLLLLLLLL the reasons why I LOVE MILWAUKEE, and a few "suggestions" for what you can do while you're here.
Not like you could keep up.
Great Things To Do While In Milwaukee, at ScaryMommy. (Thanks, Jill, this one felt good.)
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We went to Milwaukee for Irish Fest this summer and WE LOVED IT! Your lakefront is beautiful! My kids have been asking to go back.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, what an ungrateful gorilla. Free trip..anywhere. I'm all over that. I love to explore America. I've been to Milwaukee. It's wonderful. Too big for me to live there, but wonderful. I'd say the gorilla missed the banana..
ReplyDeletehaha ok i will go read...ugh on his ungratitude...i would take it and find something to do...though i feel you may have a list waiting for me over there...i love to travel and find new places...
ReplyDeleteI love how you always are able to write about offensive, ungrateful people with humor. What a fart-face! I would gladly take an all expense paid trip to anywhere. Except New Jersey. You do not want to go to New Jersey right now. So sad.
ReplyDeleteHow much more ungrateful can you be, than he was... I can't bear to imagine!
ReplyDeleteYeah that guy sounds like such an ungrateful jerk. Go Milwaukee!
ReplyDeleteMaybe Milwaukee should be offering a prayer of thanks that the guy didn't accept the trip?
ReplyDeleteI've never been to Milwaukee, but I've (honestly!) always wanted to go. I can't even imagine what it's like there—except, I guess, very cold much of the year. But that Midwestern pluck! You can't beat that.
ReplyDeleteWhat's good enough for Laverne and Shirley (let's face it, they were crap once they headed to California) is great enough for me!
ReplyDeleteI know Milwaukee is home to the Brewers and I remember Paul Molitor was their second baseman? Or was it short stop? And I had a good friend who went to Marquette. That seemed most exotic to me at the time. Guess, I have to head on over to your other post to learn more about your find city.
ReplyDeleteNOOOO!!!! Seriously? Where do these people COME from??? I agree with Secret Agent Woman. I think Milwaukee dodged a freaking bullet thanks to his ignorance.
ReplyDeleteDid you really want three inches of hairy bellybutton in your hometown? I didn't think so.
ReplyDeleteMilwaukee is my 2nd favorite city. The dunce missed out.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite aunt lives in Milwaukee, and I've gotten a note from the organizers of the Milwaukee marathon . . . so I do believe that Milwaukee will, soon, be in the list of cities that I've visited & love.
ReplyDelete