Thursday, December 12, 2013

13 Things You Should Never Say To a Woman Who Is a Mother of Only Sons Who Have Curly Hair



Yes, it has become necessary to compile the top 13 Things You Should Never Say to a Woman Who is a Mother of Only Sons Who Have Curly Hair list, because this list is just as important as all the other *Things To Not Say To* lists on every website and magazine out there.

In my daily life as a woman who is a mother to only sons who have curly hair, it has become obvious to me over the years that there are some things that are said to me, that should never be said to me and to those like me, and we're becoming deeply offended. Can't people control their curiosity, or do they just not think?

Being a mother of only boys, who only have curly hair, there are those that think it must bother me to have no daughter, and that having only sons is some kind of universe's funny joke. You know, only boys? Don't all women want at least one daughter? And to not just have boys, but boys with curly hair, as if that is a hint tossed my way as to adorable my children would have been, had they been female?

It's my turn for the lists now. The I must miss having no girls and how abnormal is it that you don't pine for a daughter, along with being reminded by others that to have boys with curly hair would not be as pretty as girls with curly hair list. I knew that today, the time had come to set the record straight and call a few of you out.

So, steer clear of the following things You Should Never Say to a Woman Who is a Mother of Only Sons Who Have Curly Hair:

1.  "Wow, with that hair, kinda sad they're not girls, huh?"

2.  "I'd kill for their hair, any woman would."

3.  "No daughters? I don't think I could be happy without a daughter."

4.  "It's so sad you have no daughters, your sons have your curly hair, but they're not a mini-you."

5.   "Too bad that pretty curly hair is wasted on boys."

6.  "This humid weather would make their curly hair look awesome, if they were girls, but being  boys, they just look like Seth Rogen."

7.  "At least you don't have to worry about boys when that hair frizzes up, that's for sure -- they don't care what they look like."

8.  "If they were girls, you could put bobby pins in it, or hairspray it down, something -- anything! when it gets hot and sticky like today."

9.  "Best they always wear it short, you know, nice and tight to the head when it starts to curl up around the forehead like that."

10.  "Someone screwed up when they handed out the kids! No girls for you, but here, take curly hair instead! Ha!"

11.  "Wow. Their hair really curls up after sports, doesn't it? Like a little half afro thingy." 

12.  "It's kind of like you almost have a girl, I mean, you know, with that curly hair?"

13.  "Only boys? Oh, well, at least when they were little you could pretend they were the daughter you never had, with those ringlets."

You may wonder, Well, what CAN I say to a woman who is a mother of only sons who have curly hair? This works, "Your children are so beautiful."


Totally acceptable. Even if the jealousy whispers in your ear to say otherwise.

Oh. My. Gosh. The curls.


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34 comments:

  1. My youngest son has super, super curly hair and keeps it shaved, but I sure thought it was beautiful when he was young. (difficult at times, but beautiful) My daughter and I both have curly hair and we hate it. It's much easier to curl straight hair, than to straighten curly hair.

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  2. I empathize with you. Having three sons, I often get similar comments, though not about curly hair. Their hair isn't stick straight, but a bit of wave, some more than others. But I do hear lots of "pity" comments about not having a girl. Trust me, God knew exactly what He was doing when He decided to give me all boys. Oh, and have you thought of some reciprocal comments to these people re "girls" that might return a little sting? LOL

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  3. nice...great pic...and hey, 'nice hair.' smiles....healthy kids...thats all i really cared about when we had kids...

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  4. I really wanted both my boys to have curly hair, and if they did, I would have let them grow it out to 'fro standards, because OMG the cuteness.

    What I would say to you? My my Alexandra, you have some fine young men there. xo

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  5. I'll never understand people. I mean, I''m not really trying, but still. xo

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  6. I second what Marinka says. But she has a daughter so I'm not really sure she gets to enter the conversation. : ) I have two boys with GORGEOUS hair (and eyelashes to die for) and basically no one should say anything to me about my daughterlessness, even though I myself might on occasion wonder if because of said daughterlessness I'm going to end up old and alone and eating cat food while my sons gambol with their wives and long-eyelashed children.

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  7. I have 2 boys, the elder of which has dark curly hair that he keeps long. I have stick-straight blonde hair, so my least favorite comment is, "is his daddy black?" (No, his other mother is middle eastern.) Seconded by, "isn't she pretty?" Which is usually followed, after correction, by some comment about gender confusion. You can't win.
    An excellent book for curly-heads of any age or gender is "Curly Girl" by Lorraine Massey. The new edition has specific chapters for men and for kids, but the basic premise is all the same, and it's hugely helpful.

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  8. You must feel so much rage when confronted by the ignorance of strangers. You were so brave to share your thoughts. I'll try to be more considerate next time I'm in the grocery store and see that poor mother of only boys with curly hair since I now know she's doing God's work.

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  9. Your children ARE so beautiful!
    I am a curly-haired mom to both a girl and boy with the same kind of hair, so I've never faced the "too bad you don't have girls" comments. Still, it's amazing the liberty some people feel they can take in discussing someone else's children.

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  10. I'll never understand people's willingness to discuss their children's physical appearances and intelligence levels, RIGHT IN FRONT OF their kids.

    You have good looking kids with awesome hair. I married a man with long, curly hair (and got a son with long curly hair as well). I miss that hair! Curse the corporate world.

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  11. Aw, thanks, everyone! After seeing like 65 FB and twitter updates on "Things to never say to a whovian" and "Things to never say to a person who wears mittens" I thought, boy oh boy, but I have to write one just for me. Truthfully, it's tongue in cheek, and I don't care if people say they feel sorry for me having only boys. I would be happy with boys, girls, just children is what I'm in love with. And the curly hair? I love it. Especially w hen I see it spiral up in spikes on hot humid days. Thanks for all your love and rushing to back me up!!

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  12. Agree on all of them. It may put them off (especially the mothers)

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  13. People are really stupid. And your BOYS are the greatest.

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  14. Your boys are beautiful, Alexandra, but I'm sure you already know that. My son's hair is curly when he grows it out. I get a little weepy every time he asks me to cut it short (I actually cut it). I hate seeing those curls fall to the floor.

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  15. Do people really say these things? I don't think I've ever commented on another boy's hair other than to ask advice for haircuts.

    My husband comes from a very curly hair family and my son gets the fine, thin hair like his mom. Too bad that hair had to be wasted on ANYBODY.

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  16. My boys have lost a lot of that curl as they grew older, but yes to everything you've said here! Instead of curly hair, you could also insert thick hair, long eyelashes, big eyes or just about anything else...

    And if someone tells me again that I should really consider trying again to see if we can have a little girl...

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  17. I've only got boys--the straight haired variety--and I totally relate to this post. From the comments I can see many of us boys only moms have heard the same things, especially "Are you going to try again for a girl?". Ugh! Hey, I tried for a baby and I got three fairly healthy ones. Isn't that good enough? :)

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  18. I absolutely LOVE my husband's curly hair, but he doesn't share my love. When we lived in Southeast Texas near the gulf his hair looked like Howard Stern's when it grew out. I think he keeps it short because people make a big deal out of it. The most common comment was "Jew fro" (no offense intended).

    Our oldest daughter inherited his curly hair. It is so long and beautiful. I know that one day we will have to cut it and it makes me kinda sad.

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  19. That is totally what I would have said to you and your boys if I ever met you all in person: "Your children are beautiful."

    And I used to want a daughter so badly, until I had a son, and then I thought, "I wouldn't mind at all if I had another baby and it was a boy." You have no idea how many times I've envied you (affectionately) for your household of 3 boys. Perhaps in another life! :-)

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  20. Oh Wow! My husband is 1 of 2 boys with their mother's gorgeous curly hair and his brother actually used to take the time to straighten his hair! I used to tell him to love his amazing curly hair because every girl will look at that and think how beautiful her babies will be with that incredible hair...seemed to work as he stopped curling it and got married to a curly haired girl!

    I love boys with curly hair!

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  21. Oh sweet Alex, I give to thee two words to stop those "too bad you don't have daughters" people right in their tracks...ready...menstrual cycle

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  22. So sad (and funny at the same time). Why are people so insensitive?! I have two curly headed sons too, and one straight-haired daughter who so wishes she had her brothers' hair. I guess the grass is always greener...

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  23. OH I totally can relate to this. My oldest had blond ringlets as did my youngest. The middle one had stick straight snow white hair that at 17 is now starting to curl. I loved their hair and threatened to shank anyone who made the too pretty to be a boy comments..

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  24. #12 about made me spit out my dinner. still laughing. some people are ridiculous!!! And yes, you do have beautiful children.

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  25. Empress, they are so handsome and you are so fortunate to have such beautiful children. I have to share a personal story even thought I wanted my comment to be about you and yours. My son has curly hair, daughter straight. My dad is old and old school. We kept my son's hair long and still do as much as he will let us. My dad used to compliment him on his hair, even though I know it killed him that we had a long haired hippy kid. Anyways, my dad would often tell the story of how when he was about 12 he let his cousin Janie give him a perm--in the 40's. He will still say "what anyone would give for curls like that" and he isn't gender-specific and it is really cute coming from my old school dad in his 80's. Way to set the record straight and stick to your water guns. xoxo

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  26. Do people really SAY those things? *smh* I can't quite process. But whatever. Your boys are gorgeous. Faces. Hair. Whatever you look at. AND? Quality kids. ;) Like their mama.

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  27. You guys just make me smile. Thank you. Now, go on, do your own "Things to never say to... lists." xo

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  28. People actually say this stuff? You can replace stuff with another s word. I love the curly hair on your BOYS. Such cutie-pies.

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  29. Your children ARE so beautiful... that should be the first thing coming out of anyone's mouth. I have two boys (one with straight, one with slightly wavy hair, ha) and one girl. When I announced I was pregnant with the third, I got so many comments that I was trying for "my girl" and it made me furious. To think that children are like nail polish, or lattes. I told them that we wanted another child, period. It's one heck of a gamble if not.

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  30. I love the gorgeous curls that your boys have. Why can't people just say they are beautiful and leave it at that. They remind me of my husband and his brother. My girls inherited their curly hair, and I love it. Although I am completely ignorant of what to do with all those curls, I realized I need to pick your brain about product suggestions.

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  31. Your sons are gorgeous.
    Just like their mama.

    Equal opportunity beauty in your family.

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  32. Thank you, everyone, you're so sweet. Now, I mean it, go on and write your own "10 things to never say to..." xo

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  33. Not just curly hair here, but RED curly hair. Strangers feel the need to touch them on the head. And the best comeback I know to people who want to "twitch" me about no daughters" - honestly, I cannot think of a single girl I would trade any of my boys for. (And that includes the daughter of whomever is trying to ring my bell.)

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