Someone to exercise for me and then transfer
their results to my body.
Cheap bras that hoist and lift like
expensive bras.
11 vanilla bean cupcakes delivered to
my door by 6 a.m.
Uninterrupted time to listen to This
American Life.
A seductive mastery of the French
language. Voulez-vous I'm so sexxee
Spanx that absorbs the fat and doesn't
just take it and squish it up and out of my armpits.
No gas passing events during Child Pose
in yoga class.
Miraculous healing of that wayward
cock-eyed knee cap that won't face the same direction as the other
one.
Children that find soccer uniforms on
their own.
Soccer games that are canceled after
just one rain drop.
Children who lose their taste buds and
eat only to fill up empty stomachs and give up the pursuit of the
tasty.
The eyebrows I tweezed away in high school to grow back.
The eyebrows I tweezed away in high school to grow back.
Instant Facelift in a Jar products
that really are instant facelift in a jar.
$15,000 Visa card along with a list of board-certified plastic surgeons and 4 days off, no questions asked.
That my hairdresser never, ever, but never, moves away.
Able to drop a highbrow reference to Shakespeare without people choking and sputtering.
Just one day of being able to dance
like Missy Elliott.
People to never talk with glottal fry again.
People to never talk with glottal fry again.
My weight to go up like a feather but down like an arrow.
My therapist finally telling me, “Well, my
work here is done.”
But, I'd happily accept my true heart's desire: a take-out bag of cheeseburgers from Jim's Grill with a concrete malt from Dairy Queen, and a hand-made card from my kids, telling me 1.) I'm the best 2.) There's no one like me 3.) How did they ever get so lucky.
Happy Valentine's Day to you all. Treat yourself to something special from your number one fan, you -- because who else knows more than you about what you really want.
* * *
That is a great list. I am about to invest in duct tape for the girls because it works great and keeps them perky. That is, until the end of the day, but maybe I can buy some of that cheap impostor type tape that the glue will wear off after 8 hours. Might be like a Cinderella story. Or there is the possibility of keeping my spare tire so they keep them upright and poke my eyes out. Thus, the need also for me to lose some weight. Gee...too much. I know. Have a great Valentine's Day!
ReplyDeleteI vote for the wonderful, handy, spare tire!
DeleteI'll take no gas passing events ANYWHERE and eyebrows! Nice hair would be great, too. Oh, and while we're at it... a flat tummy... and energy... and...
ReplyDeleteEyebrows, how could I EVER have plucked them the way I did???
DeleteLoved this!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Diane! Happy Valentine's Day to you!
DeleteEvery time you post, my comment is "This is my favorite thing you've ever written." I can't keep doing that, soooo: this is my favorite Valentine's Day list post you've ever written!
ReplyDeleteYou made me want to drop off cupcakes at your house; you reminded me of the first time a yoga teacher explained to the class "It's called Wind Release pose"; you made me need to google "glottal fry"; and you just about put me in my car here at 11 p.m. to go get a bag of burgers.
I so adore you.
We need to meet, J. xoxoxo Have no doubt, the feeling is mutual.
DeleteI love your list. "Spanx that absorbs the fat and doesn't just take it and squish it up and out of my armpits." produced a loud laugh.
ReplyDeleteYAY! I love to make you laugh, friend. xo
DeleteMay you get everything you wish for, because you deserve it. Happy Valentine's Day, my friend. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks Alison. You too!
Deletewhat is glotal fry? is that like vocal fry?
ReplyDeleteha. well may you get at least one wish this valentines...
smiles.
I hope so, B!! xo
Delete