If you want to make friends in real life, do the opposite of what I do.
If reading that first line above has you skimming through this post for quick and easy tips, then I'm putting money on you wanting to know how to get people to be friends with you.
I wish I could help you with that, but
I had to turn to the internet for friends.
But here's an idea that my son
suggested the other day, “Hey, mom, you should do a post called “Do
the opposite of what I do to make friends since you don't have any in real life.”
Great idea, son, let's let them in on all my secrets of Living a Hermit Life.
And with a snap of a finger, because I can only snap my fingers on my right hand, a post is born. I promise you, if you do the
opposite of what I do in my real life, then you stand a good chance
of getting to know some human beings.
Follow these pointers below to a social
life that consists of more than the people in your computer: (I love the people in my computer) -
1.) I forget breakfast. That means, do the
opposite: begin your day with breakfast. Heading out the door after
four cups of coffee and nil in the stomach makes for a very shaky
school drop off (pun intended.) You don't want to be the mom in the
car line laying on the horn to the van full of preschoolers being
dropped off in front of you while you shout, "you droppin' off gramma
or what?!"
2.) I wear my slippers a lot. Sure, I have my winter
coat on over a pajama top, though I do have outside wearing pants on.
So, this means you should dress in a manner that invites a good first
impression. We all want to keep it real, but if your daily life
involves jeans so stiff you can stand them in a corner, then it's time to change it
up a little. Also? Use a real pony tail holder in your hair,
and not the inked up red rubber band from that morning's newspaper.
Trust me, the inked up rubber band could make it or break it with someone.
3.) Shoes. Shoes are nice – as I said, I wear
slippers. Wear shoes. Your teen son's size eleven Converses tossed on
your size seven feet, sans socks, do not count as shoes. People hand
out friend points for shoes, but extra points if the ones on your feet are your own.
4.) Talk kindly about your children. A soft
"Oh, heavens, I can't believe Johnny forgot his lunch"
falls much better on the ears than "sonuvabeehive that kid of
mine would forgot his head if it wasn't screwed on. I've half a mind
to just let him go without – I don't care if they call home. We'll
see how quickly he forgets his lunch again with the memory of hunger
pangs..." or anything like that. I hear.
5.) I do not like to wake up. I have to
talk myself through my morning saying, Smile Smile Smile Would it kill you
to smile? So, you, friend-maker, Be Cheerful. Do not walk around with
the biggest, blackest, most face-esconcing made in Italy sunglasses
that money can buy on your face just because you don't feel like eye contact.
Especially when it's cloudy out.
6.) Learn to make a great food for
church or school potlucks. This is because I do deli pick up and dumps. If you
don't take my word for it, and still decide to go and hit the up
orange clearance deli sticker priced salads anyway, at least be
sure it's not the advertised 99 cents a pound macaroni salad splayed
across every flyer in town.
7.) Never begin a sentence with the words, No
offense. I don't do this, but people have started sentences to me this way. This is a freebie gem for you, from me -- Don't say, "Gee, I wish
I could be more like you and just let my kids screw up on their own,
no offense." No offense does the opposite. It offends.
8.) Be alert for opportunities to show
sincere praise. Loosen those lips and don't be afraid to give a compliment. My shyness much too often has me keeping my words of "Oh,
I am digging your chunky zebra bangle right now" to myself. Do the opposite, give the praise, give the compliment. It works wonders
to melt even the coldest, or shyest hearts, like mine.
9.) Be open and accessible. I kind of walk
hunched over, because I'm always cold and really should get my thyroid
checked out BUT this doesn't mean you should walk around looking like
a comma.
Try out these nine steps of friending. See if you don't get
invited to a new book club! Either way, report back and meet me online tomorrow morning. We'll raise a cup of coffee in hopes that you get
lucky and the next person you meet, you charm the heck out of them.
My best advice, though, is to keep your
eye open for someone with a morning newspaper rubber band in their
hair. Now, those people are keepers.
* * *
This is a good list. I have also learned that, to make friends, it is much better to not reveal deeply personal experiences and opinions within 24 hours of meeting someone. Unless you are trying to drive people away. Then this technique works every time.
ReplyDeleteYou make me love you, Andrea. xo
DeleteThank you, friend. xoxxo
ReplyDelete