Lord of The Flies Called: They Want Their Leader Back

Lord of the Flies Island misses its leader, and they want him back. The eternally arrested adolescent boyman who was governing without adult supervision has left.

"He always had bigger dreams," one of the island's inhabitants said of Donald Trump. Giving his chronological age as 56 but with speech and body mannerisms mimicking those of an 11-year-old, "John" continued, "Most people here want him back. I'm glad he's gone but can't say that. We didn't have any time to play! He always wanted us to be building a hut, and then a bigger hut, and then a high rise hut, and then we'd build that and then he wanted bigger. It never ended."

Left in power for the past twenty years of an island where the balding and paunchy appearance of its inhabitants belies their average age of mid-50s, the moral decay and descent into savagery is a startling quick history with plenty who are able to provide first hand accounts. They miss the weekly sessions where they learned things like human nature is what keeps us King of the Hill and that the myth of the common good was just a story so that those too lazy to contribute could have others work to provide for them. Mornings that began with a circle chant of "Loser loser loser loser" haven't been held in four months.

"We knew what we were doing, at first, it felt wrong" another anonymous citizen of the island volunteered. "But every time we started to feel bad about it, we just reminded ourselves we've got to grab what is ours or someone who doesn't have a right to it will get it. That's what Donald told us. You snooze you lose. You can't fall asleep, you got to stay awake with your hand on that metaphorical trigger. Worry about your own and the ones that belong here, you know? No one else will, that's for sure."

Drawn to chaos and frenzy, Donald had the word 'fairness' stricken and outlawed from use. "It was pretty easy to get used to not using it." confessed "Sam". I mean, every once in awhile it slips out, you catch yourself saying "Heeeeeeeeeeeey, that's not fa--, but then Donald reminds us, fair is not what life is about. Fair is the cry of the weak. No real man says "No Fair." Grab it take it make it yours. THAT'S what a man is about." He says we have too many words in the English language anyway.

Rage and fury unleashed, life felt satisfying on the island. When times of low moral arose due to a twinging conscience, along with questions of what they were doing and if it was the right thing, Donald Trump would hold a rally. "He had this sense of how we were slipping into our old foolish ways of caring about those who are impoverished and struggling and soon enough. Donald would gather up the tribal drums and we'd be whipped into a frenzy, chanting, smacking our chests. We were among our own!! It was exhilarating! I'll tell ya, at first you think he's dumb and stupid, but there's something about how he lets you say everything you were told you couldn't as a kid, how you had to think of the feelings of others and you just let your mouth go, none of that having to think about kindness or empathy, just YOU dammit. You just want to pick up a spear or something and fling it. Like the first time you're left home alone and you don't know what bed to jump on first. You lose your mind like that with a guy like that up there!"

The loss of structure and the loss of the purpose of civilization has almost every resident here speak the words "freeing, powerful, dreamlike" when describing life on this island.

"What we really need, is Donald back, though. It's fun to grab all the candy and keep it to yourself, but after awhile, you miss the glow of the human spirit. With Donald gone, some of us are starting to ask if it would be so bad to go back to a system where we share what we have with those who don't. I mean, I had a good winter last year, but this year, my root crop didn't do so good. I might need a little help and for the first time ever, I'm kinda scared I'll have to wear a black square patch on my chest, a symbol Donald came up with to mean empty, useless, taking up space." "Ted" looked down at his feet, "I didn't think I'd ever be one of the ones having to be marked like that."

"Ted" agreed to meet with us at the far end of the island to show us his dry land. "I'm kind of remembering why people in a system behave the way they do. You never know when you're going to need help and you can't always be one of the lucky ones. And what do you do about your heart when you see someone who needs help? I can't call it off without Donald to remind me how winners act."

He summed it up this way, "We need him back. We're slipping. Just last week, a bunch of us helped Ed from the next small island over build up his fence to keep the wild boars out. The poor guy couldn't do it on his own -- yeah, I know he's not from this island and if Donald were here our fence would be up already to keep out those sand-dwellers from across the way wanting to creep in over here for our richer land, but outta nowhere, Ed got arthritis. Never saw it coming, either. I mean, life is like that -- one minute you're up, next minute, you just never know. That's why Donald's gotta return, our hearts are starting to get too loud to ignore."