The Weather Outside is #*&$**#@

The weather outside is frightful.

And certainly not delightful.

More like Nightmare on Fridge Street levels of torture. Temperatures and pain that have me clipping coupons and resigning myself to eating spam and noodles for the remainder of my days so I can afford to retire in Arizona.

I can't take this weather and for absofreakinlutely sure I will not be able to take it at a fragile age 62. Because it's so cold that the temperature outside is just making everything cold. And with that last sentence as evidence, it's also cold enough that I've lost my eloquence.

Just because our asses are frozen off doesn't mean our brains have to go the same way. With the current Arctic blast as my witness, I will not let this winter take me down sounding like I went to the Trump academy of public expression. I will de-frost my once bountiful vocabulary, and offer the same wealth of words assistance to you, my Popsicle friends.

If you find yourself in the swirl of a blustery day worthy of Jack Frost's lexicon, allow me to lend you a descriptive hand. You will never again be at a loss to bring the icicle daggers attacking your homestead to life even when your senses are unable to thaw through to your inner thesaurus.

Bring your facebook followers, twitter commiserators, and instagram crew, the vivid day in the life of a winter sufferer that will have them crying icy tears. If it's sympathy for your tundra plight that you seek, throw a few of these subzero hashtags into your mix and find instant camaraderie. (who doesn't love a pity party with attendance of more than one, me that's who)

Post a photo of your cryogenic suffering and head to hashtag heaven with these icy beauties:

unwelcoming

forbidding

cool

frigid

frosty

glacial

numb

chilly

freezing

shivery

benumbed

hypothermic

wintry

gelid

bleak

brisk

sharp

stinging

algid

biting

blasted

penetrating

piercing

polar

inclement

nipping

Siberian

severe

boreal

arctic

brumal

frore

snappy

raw

pelting

I live in Wisconsin, and believe you me, there will be no shortage of opportunity to run through this list at least tenfold before we next see signs of life in this state.

By which time, I'm sure I'll just be hitting my hashtag stride due to a looooong Midwestern winter. #cold #socold #dying #help

 

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